i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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