Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Floor bacon is actually really good
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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