I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
did i just pee glitter
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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