He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
