I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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