and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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