What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
