What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Buhtt sex?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
