we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm too high and old for this...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
