i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
