Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
