Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
