This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
