i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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