If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
