If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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