Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm passing your future prison.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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