i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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