By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
