I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
