Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
