Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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