My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I look better un-naked...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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