it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
