I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
