so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
