Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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