I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
