don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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