I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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