@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
