My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
