I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
