what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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