I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
