boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
