i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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