I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
