i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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