Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
