i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
