My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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