I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
