Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
