Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
