I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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