you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
