you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
