Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
