worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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