You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
