So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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